Meeting & Loving My Biggest Saboteur

Do you know your biggest Saboteur? Did you know that LOVING your Saboteur can transform your life? Yes, indeed.

I recently came out of a period when I was being super hard on myself. You know how that goes. Lots of negative self talk. But I also sensed there was a deeper voice at work. An underlying feeling that it was dangerous to feel peaceful, relaxed and even grateful—because it could all go away. I began feeling like the other shoe was going to drop at any moment. [I’m thinking a lot of moms can relate to this.]

I realized I was looking for “signs” to validate this feeling. And, naturally, while in that mindset I began seeing signs all around me. It was exhausting.

Then, I had a moment of great clarity. It was during a stroller walk with our toddler in the nearby forest preserve. I realized that I was looking and listening, not from an open and flowing place. But with controlled-frantic energy.

I was in a state of hyper-vigilance. And this was a deep-seated Saboteur. It was underneath my worries, fears and history of intrusive thoughts. And it was exacerbated by my highly-sensitive nature.

Hyper-vigilance may well be my biggest Saboteur and, all this time, I hadn’t before truly seen and named it. I recognized it was my primitive brain running the show. My fight-or-flight response.

Admittedly, my first reaction was “A-ha!! I gotcha now! You can’t hide any more. Well, f*ck off. You aren’t welcome here. Let’s figure out how to eradicate you.” True to form, I was going to fight it! {This now makes me chuckle.}

Thankfully, in the next instant, I understood something so important, so empowering.

And I was filled with great compassion and, yes, even love for my Saboteur.

My hyper-vigilance is the flip side—the shadow—of my keen observation skills. The shadow of my heightened sensitivity and receptivity to the wonder and beauty all around me.

My primitive brain, and finely tuned fight-or-flight response, has enabled my ability to deeply connect with and communicate with Nature. My hyper-vigilance has contributed to the creation of a core part of my Soul’s essence and my Soul’s medicine for the world.

So . . . I cried for my Saboteur, acknowledging the heavy burdens it has carried in my current lifetime and previous lives. I extended it sincere, heartfelt gratitude for all it has done for me and for my loved ones. I recognized it’s truly astounding stamina and how exhausted it must be. I radiated great compassion to my Saboteur and much, much love.

This has been the beginning of a deep healing process. I can feel how important this is to the healing of post-traumatic stress I’ve experienced in this life. But also past life trauma and long-standing ancestral burdens.

I am deeply grateful for this new level of self-awareness, and for the learning experience that Nature has provided. Great things can happen during a stroller walk! Further affirmation that Nature is a portal to our deep wisdom, and that it can be accessed from anywhere, at any time.


Are you also a highly-sensitive person? Perhaps a mom of little ones, seeking stillness, resilience and clarity? I would love to support you. How about a 30-minute Breakthrough Session? It would be such a pleasure to be of service to you!